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food, drink, monkeys, and beats from the dairy air of mondovi, wisconsin, the streets of minneapolis, and the sands of bondi beach, australia
SPEAK...
AIM is pntyrdr1 Email Seppo: kris dot sipe at gmail dot com
EAT ME!!!
Beef Bourguignon
Bitchin' Baked Paella Risotto Magic Stuffed Salmon Chicken Wild Rice Soup Chili Prawn Penne 3 2 1 Spatchcock! Tomato Basil Fettuccine Chili Con Seppo Blueberry Boat Roast Marinated Buffalo Mozzerella Grilled Swordfish with Mango Salsa Miss. Highco's Creme Brulee
ON THE IPOD...
 Sufjan Stevens - Come on Feel the Illinois
  The Hold Steady - Separation Sunday
 Nickel Creek - Why Should the Fire Die
FOR THE BOOKCLUB...
PREVIOUSLY ON...
95 Kg Tuna
Gay Post of the Week Bonsai Croc and Roll French, Yes, Gay, Not so Much I Could Spit on a Stranger Outfoxed! Heat Wave!!! Bitched at Swirth Sydney Supernova
WHEN?
WHERE?
blogger all music guide college music journal internet movie database slayage urband legends archive tripple j all zone 4 dvd grimsey records britneyfreak Blogger Boobiethon Starlight Foundation Sydney Morning Herald Apple Torrentspy MacRumors
Favs, Fads and Friends
Gideon's Bible Whatevs Stereogum Rollertrain Lou's Page of... Memoirs from the Edge RADhole Thighs Wide Shut Cityrag Goldenfiddle 1115 That Ashley Girl President Peabs PhotoSydney Ms. Fits Drew's Blog-O-Rama Sarah's So Boring SynapticBlur BakedZiti Daily Refill Jeffrey Mimi Emancipated NY Hotlist sdrawkcab sti Pink = New Blog Brave World NYC You Aint No Picasso Berkeley Palace Fluxblog My Dad at Vinifera Minnesota
CREDITS:
 
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Wednesday, June 30, 2004
There is a server problem with one of my image hosters at the moment. If the problem persists, I will switch to my ftp server, but in the meantime, I hope everyone isn't attempting the salmon recipe with mutton. Pictures should be up shortly.
... Seppo 9:54 am...
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Salmon Stuffed with Buffalo Mozzarella and Asparagus Sweet like somethin' filled with Nutella Creamy like buffalo mozzarella -The Beastie Boys - Now Get Busy This little dish looks extremely impressive and tastes delicious. I first came up with it when I was pressed for time and had to grab something for a dinner date. Salmon is so easy to work with, so I often use it to play around with ideas. I originally used smoked Gouda in this dish, but I found it a bit overpowering. Buffalo mozzarella is one of gods gifts, and it goes perfect with the asparagus. You may find it hard to find Buffalo mozzarella. It is usually available from nice delis (although it is expensive). In the states, I would suggest upmarket health food stores that have good cheese departments, such as Whole Foods. This dish is extremely easy and fun to make. It also works great for dinner parties, because you can prepare the Salmon first, shove it in the fridge and have it ready to bake. Ingredients: 1 Bunch of Asparagus 300 grams Buffalo mozzarella 2 Salmon Fillets (250 - 350 Grams each) Olive Oil Salt Pepper pre-heat oven to 175 degrees Celsius. To get things started, blanche your asparagus so it isn't all tough and stringy when you bake it. Before you blanche, hold the asparagus by the stem and about one inch from the tip, break the beeeatch... this is nature in action, the tough part of the stem will remain in your hand, while the rest of the tip and stalk will be tender. This means placing it in boiling water for about 3 minutes, pulling it out, and running cold water over it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.  This is the only tough part of the whole gig. You need to make a pocket in your salmon to hold the asparagus and cheese. Place the salmon on a cutting board, skin side down. About a half inch from the end of the fillet, and a half inch above the skin (or wear the skin would be if skinless) make a slit all the way through the salmon. Slide your knife through the fish, very carefully, to create a tunnel through the fish (see picture). Even if you muck it up and slice the whole top off on one side, you should be able to do some reconstructive surgery to fix it up.
 Now place your asparagus in the tunnel, so that the tips stick out on one side. Slice up your buffalo mozzarella into quarter inch pieces, and slip them on top of the asparagus. Your salmon should be looking a bit chubby. Drizzle olive oil over your filet (not that fillet, pervert!!!), and underneath on the skin (seriously, stop that) and sprinkle it with salt and pepper.
Place the salmon in a baking pan, and wack it into the oven for about 12 - 15 minutes, depending on how you like your fish. You can see at this stage how easy it would be to serve this at a dinner party. Once you pull out the salmon, serve it with some mash and garnish with coriander. Gorgeous... 
... Seppo 11:27 am...
Monday, June 28, 2004
Hunter and Collector It was a fantastic, sunny winter weekend here in Oz, culminating in a trip to the Hunter Valley with Ms. B. My plan was to avoid spending too many Mad Benjimins on Friday and Saturday, so as to get as much vino as possible on Sunday. I'm a sucker for cellar doors, as I like the individuality of Boutique wineries over the consistency of the commercial ones, so I knew that the wallet would get some action.  It's a great time of the year to check out the Hunter, as everything is going into bottles right about now. We started off at Tempus Two which has my favorite whites in Australia, specifically their Pewter range's Melange a Trois and Pinot Gris. Sadly, they have run out of the Melange for the year. I ended up investing $40 in their Vine Vale Shiraz, which will certainly make dad jealous, hopefully I'll be able to keep it for a couple of years. We also took in the Poole's Rock winery, which has the famous Cockfighter's Ghost range (not a reference to John Holmes), actually famous for their award winning unwooded chardonnay. We also went to the cheese shop and I bought some award winning washed rind cheese which may be the smelliest thing known to man. Cheese shop girl said, "trust me, you are really going to want to put this in an air tight container." When I brought said cheese home, Mr. Bean found it offensive, and described the smell as, "you know when you have dishes in the dishwasher, but you haven't run it, in like six days..." He also compared it to the time we lost half of a block of blue vein cheese, only to realize six months later that I put it somewhere in the depths of the spice cupboard, rather than the fridge...
 We weren't very good on the picture front, as I was too embarrassed to say, "mmm, that is a really nice Verdehlo, oh, and can you take a picture of us in front of this spittoon?" I did get a lovely picture of my companion in front of some cart thing that had something to do with wine. We also headed off to the Audrey Wilkinson estate, which has recently been acquired by a new owner, and picked up a bottle of their reserve, which I bought last year and quite enjoyed. All and all a very fun day, and as you can see, my collection is looking healthier and healthier every day. It's quite a treat living in a country that is so conducive to wonderful wine. We get the good stuff here first, and it is relatively inexpensive. Some wineries here are even exporting to France. I just need to learn to cellar instead of replace!
... Seppo 11:11 am...
Friday, June 25, 2004
 Friday is finally here, and beers are iminent... In the mean time...
The artist who recorded my favourite album of all time, is appearing in a sexed up photoshoot for Stuff magazine. After having Avril Lavine's writing team pen some new tunes for her, it seems fitting she should be in the company of other talented artists such as Krista Allen. ______ Everytime I feel a bit low I head over to read what Bazima has to say. She's the Sienfeld of the Blogosphere. My favourite post is about her trip to the cinema to see Harry Potter, and the angry man she encountered. ______ First Yahoo tries to step up to Gmail, now Hotmail is offering 250 Mb, making the big claim that it is more than twice what Yahoo is offering. They do not mention that it is one fourth of what Gmail offers, or that nickyhilton@gmail.com sold for $100 on ebay. ______  My cousin Taylor is going to be in the Musky Festival Pageant in Hayward, Wisconsin, the Lumberjack Capital of the world, and home to the world's largest Musky. What is a musky, you ask?
mus·kel·lunge or mus·ke·lunge ( P ) Pronunciation Key (msk-lnj) n. pl. muskellunge or mus·kel·lung·es or muskelunge or mus·ke·lung·es A large food and game fish (Esox masquinongy), the largest member of the pike family, found in lakes and rivers of the northern United States and southern Canada. I don't know what the eventual title of the winner is. I love my cuz to death, but I don't know if I could be seen with her if she is dubbed the Musky Princess. ______ Check out Lockyersleigh and see where I hang with sheep, yo...
... Seppo 12:17 pm...
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Hardley the Land of Oz!!! 
Hopefully this time the Film Classification Board of Australia will do the right thing, and award Anatomy of Hell an R rating and allow distribution. As per usual, the Australian Family Association is sticking it's nose in everyone's business by protesting the pending release. How, you may ask, does a country with legalized prostitution feel so free to censor, you've got me. The film is directed by Catherine Breillat, who seems to wallow in a deeper pit of controversy every time she releases a film. I find her films appalling, boring and completely self indulgent, but I also feel that it is my right to make that opinion, without the help of the government. Color me pissed off. Brit... Knee and all the Rest I've always been a teary eyed sucker. If a little girl drops her ice cream, if a doctor on E.R. makes a special bond with a dying child, or if "Everybody Hurts" plays over some show of the moment, I get pretty choked up. Brit Brit's current ordeal takes the cake, however, I can't help but get a lump in my throat. The poor thing is constantly having her life intruded upon, when she should be working in a Dairy Queen ala Parker Posey in Waiting for Guffman. Lately she has found some happiness, as she has finally met the kind of man she would have met and said Dairy Queen (they got matching dice tattoos)... Then...she hurts her knee while shooting a video with Snoop D oh double G, and is completely distraught.  So... she goes out and gets cute little puppies for herself and her young sister, probably the only person she can really trust. She's probably feeling a bit better, giving puppy a little cuddle, chatting with sis, and suddenly her mother rams through a group of Paparazi with her giant SUV, and breaks one of their legs!!! I don't see how the poor thing will be able to get through all of this crap without some major emotional scaring.
I have to apologize as I have been getting emails and comments as to why there has been no New Recipe Tuesday this week. I have had two of my staff off from work, so have been working late nights this week. Keep your panties on my friends, a new recipe will definitely arrive next week. Keep yourselves busy by making each one of my previous recipes again and again!
... Seppo 3:33 pm...
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
This year as been an amazing treat for us music fans. There have been fantastic new releases by artists such as Stellastarr*, The Killers, The Streets, Pedro The Lion, Kacey Chambers, Snow Patrol and many others. There have also been much hyped releases that have been embraced by many a hipster, but have completely deluded me in their appeal. If I was an angry man, I would be constantly berating my small audience with soliloquies devoted to my distaste for the drivel of Franz Ferdinand, but I will leave that up to the eloquent Uncle Grambo. There are other well received and reviewed albums that have come out this year that I don't dig at all, Modest Mouse and The Walkmen to name a couple, but I tend to ignore these albums, and just take the, "to each their own" attitude, when maybe I should be giving them more of a chance. The legacy of the Baby Boomers has been lost in our generation, however. It is very seldom that epic albums come along. In the last twenty years, I can think of a handful, such as U2's "The Joshua Tree," Liz Phair's "Exile in Guyville," My Bloody Valentine's "Loveless," Jeff Buckley's "Grace" and Big Head Todd and the Monster's "Midnight Radio." However, in the last 5 years, I really can't think of any. There are a few that come (very) close, Death Cab for Cutie's "Transatlanticism" for one. In the last month two albums have been released, however, that I found to be truly epic in their nature. Both of them seem to be taking a similar route, in moving from experimentalism, to epic jam session.  A Ghost is Born
The first of those albums is Wilco's "A Ghost is Born." Since Uncle Tupelo were one of the first bands to make me truly love music (March 16 - 20 IS an epic album), Jeff Tweedy's outfits will always have a place in my heart. Unlike the critical masses, Wilco's first album, A.M. is one of my all time favorites, and the rest of their catalogue has only held passing interests to me. I felt it moved to far into the experimental without grasping Tweedy's talent and interest in Americana. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot moved a bit closer, and had some classic moments, especially with Heavy Metal Drummer. With A Ghost is Born, Tweedy truly embraces his roots in Country and Americana and brings in the instrumental experimentation he has been working with for the last ten years, to create a sonic masterpiece. The album starts with "At Least That's What You Say" which begins as a standard enough sounding ballad, and could easily be something off of Summer Teeth. The song is broken up with harsh bluesy electric guitar strums, which pull the song into the realms of the album. Piano begins to push the song forward, and then guitar leads the song back into melody. Truly genius. The standout track of the album is Spiders, which takes atmospheric shifts and sampling into the world of Alman Brothers, with a truly unforgettable jam session. It's one of those tracks that you can't help but replaying. It clocks in at over ten minutes, but it seems like half that as you drift into the song. "Muzzle of Bees" is absolutely delightful and dreamy. ...and in a truly bold move, somehow Wilco has made several minutes of feedback listenable in "Less than You Think."  Sonic Nurse
The second album is Sonic Youth's "Sonic Nurse". From the fist time I listened to this album I was blown away by it's melodic dischordant nature. While this is nothing new to Sonic Youth, who have been experimenting with these effects since 1976, but this is different. While Sonic Youth's earlier works were extremely challenging and innovative, they were often dischordant and emotionally inaccessible (see Nic Fit off Dirty). I mean, as fantastic as Daydream Nation is, can you really sit down and get lost in it? Sonic Nurse seems to be Thurston and Kim's resolution of their experimentation. This is the product of more than twenty years of work, and truly an opus. It seems to take the same path as Wilco's album, by mixing seemingly traditional jams with experimental sounds. Seeing the band live last Friday, after spending three weeks purposely taking the long way home so I could space out to the new album, was awe inspiring. Firstly, how two people who started a band only a couple of years after I was born could look so young is beyond me, and how they could make the most amazing music of their careers while their contemporaries are trying to sort out their 401k packages is just plain mind boggling. Take a look at my short video of one of the show's highlights. Sadly, my pictures turned out pretty crappy, considering some bouncer kept trying to kick me out for taking pictures. I could, however, claim that I was being artistic. 
I really see this as the next step in rock and roll maturity. While the whole retro movement, and the retro EUROPEAN movement of the moment have brought some good bands to light, I don't find they have staying power. I have been saying for the last 10 years that Alternative Country is the next punk, while people have laughed in my face. I was probably wrong, but what I am starting to see is the emotional commitment and power of roots music melting with the technology and experimentation developed over the last 20 years. Hopefully, the revolution will be televised.
... Seppo 12:39 pm...
Monday, June 21, 2004
Happy Monday All! Sonic Youth update to follow soon, but I haven't had time to upload the blurry pictures and video yet. ANTICIPATE!!!  ...and in the category of "joke most likely to be uttered by the Thighmaster" the winner is, Gawker, with the following:
The Forbes Celebrity 100 list, topped by Christ-lover/killer Mel Gibson, really breaks it down this year. They've got categories for everything -- they might as well have included a "Best Earning Twins" category (which of course would go to Lindsay Lohan, not the Olsens). Dude, their taken over your shizzzzzzzo, and getting paid for it! Bitches...  Have You Seen My... Ratings
Australia's fascination with idiots continues to confuse and aggravate this naive Seppo. Channel 10 has found themselves up shit creek without a paddle, giving away a million bucks to the winner and a car to every contestant of the current Big Brother shitfest. Last year's winner, the painfully obnoxious and borderline window licker, Reggie, is said to be doing the deed with the brother of Karaoke wonderkid, Shannon "Flavor Saver" Noll. She even uttered my favorite ever venue phrase, "My boyfriend's in the Band." (That one's for you Kyles...)If we cross our fingers, maybe channel 10 will produce an Australian version of MTV's lovely "Newlyweds"...  IF OZ HAD TIVO
...and again on the Television front, after hours of downloading every episode of the OC, and drying the tears from my eyes as Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah accompanied Ryan's leaving, Marissa's drinking and Seth's somewhat heteroflexible tears over Ryan, it is finally here in Oz. Set your gcodes ladies and germs, for tomorrow, Tuesday the 22nd of June, 8.30 Channel 10 ...and pay no attention to grumpy pants behind the curtain, making comments about collarbones... she just misses her vodka.
... Seppo 12:19 pm...
Friday, June 18, 2004
Just a quick one, Please meet Professor Chew Shit Fun, she can help you with all your natural science needs.
... Seppo 10:26 am...
Thursday, June 17, 2004
 Darling Nicky
I reported a while back that Gmail accounts were selling for up to $25 a pop, and a site was set up to trade accounts for goods and services. It seems that as Google is giving away more invites to users, they're not worth so much any more, with the price down to about $1. However, nickyhilton@gmail.com is going for about $21 at the time of this post. I logged on to my Yahoo account yesterday to grab an old email from my dad, and found that Yahoo has made a "too little, too late" attempt at countering Google with 100 MB of storage and a new interface. If anyone is interested in a gmail account, please email me at pantyraiderATgmailDOTcom and I will send you an invite. Rosemary's Baby I came across this young blogger hyping her blog in Jake's comments section. Tara seems like a lovely young Sydney sider... she loves Australian Idol winner Guy Sebastian, and is a fun loving girl. She also writes poetry, this one is cutely titled La la la te da: In the name of God impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation Amen
... Seppo 9:24 am...
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Risotto Magic Magic???? you ask... No, not the traditional rabbit from hat, or disappearing White Tiger, but the magic of love. Skip the vulgarity of the magical removal of garments. Risotto is a magical food in that in the preparation itself, and in the end result. The effect is that of warmth and comfort, and a unique sensory experience. In other words, chicks dig it! I actually never made risotto as a chef. It is such a long and dedicated process, that I don't know exactly how a chef would serve it, unless it was a group dining situation. Maybe they use a trick I don't know about.  I first started making the dish when I received a Risotto and Pilaf book from my girlfriend for Valentines day. After some experimentation, I got the whole process down. My basic recipe is vegetarian (unless you use chook stock), but feel free to change it however you like. Add sausage, chicken, ferret, whatever you like. Once you get the basics down, you have an obligation to experiment (after dinner as well, meow). You can also experiment with herbs. I use rosemary in almost everything, because I love it. It reminds me of the evergreens back in Minnesota, and it has the most wonderful aroma ever. The final step of adding the egg yolk and lemon mixture is not traditional, and has been stolen from Nigella Lawson. After reviewing her DVD for Allzone4, I gave her idea a shot, and I think it really adds something... mmmm... Nigella...
Make sure you take your time in making risotto. Keep stirring, and add just a bit of liquid at a time. Use the time to chat, and enjoy a glass of wine. Just make sure to get down to business later on. Do me proud boys and girls.  Ingredients:
2 Tablespoons Olive Oil 250g Aborio Rice 1 Cup White Wine (I use sauvignon Blanc) 2 Cloves Garlic 1 Large Onion 6 Cups Chicken or Veggie Stock 100 Grams Button Mushrooms 100 Grams Shitake Mushrooms 2 Sprigs Rosemary 1/2 Bunch Coriander (Cilantro) 1/2 Cup Butter 1 Cup Grated Parmesan Cheese 1 Egg Yolk 1 Lemon Ok... Start off by getting your stock ready. If you are ambitious, you can make some homemade chicken stock. While I generally use fresh ingredients, I just don't have time to make my own stock anymore, so I use a really nice powdered stock you can get here in Australia called Vegata. You can use either vegetable or chicken stock. In the US, Swanson makes a decent canned chicken broth, which you can get in large cans. Whether you are using canned broth, home made stock, or following the directions for the powdered stock, you should get a pot to simmering with about 6 cups worth before you do anything. Next, finely chop up the garlic and chop up the onion medium fine. Put about two tablespoons of olive oil in a medium sized pot and get it going on medium high heat. Add your garlic right away. In a perfect world, you would sweat the garlic at a medium heat, but I use the garlic to figure out when my oil is hot enough to get kickin' yo! Once the garlic is bubbling around, add your onion, and start stirring. Let the onion and garlic saute for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Next add your rice and stir. The rice will go translucent on the edges and have a cute little white spot in the middle. When this happens, add your wine and stir. Once the wine is absorbed, you are ready to start the magic. Add one ladle full of the simmering stock to your risotto and stir. Once the stock has been absorbed (usually about 2 - 4 minutes) add another ladle full. You will continue this process for about a half hour.  If you have a cute friend over (let's say Mischa Barton), you can have them stir while you get the rest of the ingredients ready. If you are all alone and simply have the soundtrack to the OC on in the background and are DAYDREAMING about Mischa Barton, then it's ok to stop stirring once in a while to prepare the rest of the goods. Firstly, chop up your rosemary and coriander... not to fine though, you want it to have some depth. Next chop up your mushrooms. Grate your Parmesan. Make sure you grate your own, this makes such a huge difference. That cardboard shit in the bag is worthless, you might as well throw in some wood chips... and do NOT use that Kraft powdered shit in the green can. Cheese and powder only mix with Mac and Cheese, obvs. Finally, slice up those mushrooms, and you are ready.
The trick to risotto is that after the first twenty minutes you will need to start tasting your concoction, yo. This is a good time to add your mushrooms as well, as they will take about 5 to 10 to cook. When it gets to the point where it is creamy, but the rice has a slight "bite" (firmness) you are ready to finish things off. Make sure you still have a bit of liquid left as well. Risotto should be creamy, not sticky. Turn down the heat to low. Add your butter first, and make sure it is all melted and stirred in well. Next, add your egg and lemon mixture, and your herbs, and stir in. Also add a bit of cracked pepper. Finally, turn off the heat and stir in the cheese. Spoon into bowls and finish off with a drizzle of olive oil and a small sprig of rosemary, and let the magic happen. 
... Seppo 11:38 am...
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Insert Footballer/Priest Joke Here... 
Via those nonconformist Aussie Bitches at The Spin, yo...
... Seppo 11:18 pm...
 Apple and Coco Sittin' in a Tree!!!
...and in the race to make a connection between Courtney Cox Arquette's baby, Coco, and the Stellastarr* song, the winner is The Blueprint!!! I would like to be the first to AGAIN reference the sign language monkey, and remind the David and Court about a certain episode of Seinfeld! The poor child has to grow up with Alexis, for god's sake, isn't that enough!  Michael, We Have a Problem
Yo Kit, shut the 'ef up and let's cruise down Ventura, beeeaaatch... Maybe we can find you a nice Corvette you can get jiggy with. Germany's favorite import, David Hasselhoff, has been arrested for drunk driving. Little do the police know that it was because he filled Kit up with ethanol (waaaka waaaaka)...
... Seppo 1:22 pm...
 God Save the Queen
Please pardon my absence, but being part of the Commonwealth means that I was lucky enough to have yesterday off for the queen's birthday. I really have no idea what one would do to celebrate said birthday (have tea, I suppose), but I celebrated by staying in and recovering from the antics of the long weekend. So again this week, new recipe Tuesday will be on Wednesday (I have to actually make the recipe tonight, otherwise it would have to be Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, since that is what I have been eating all weekend).  Salsa Verde!!!
Friday night was supposed to be a cultured affair, meeting up with Sal and company to catch James Morrison at the Basement. Truth be told, I just don't dig jazz. Sure, I love it when a pretty girl is up singing the classics, but the whole instrumental thing doesn't do it for me. I did manage to get a few good pictures, however. So... due to my being antsy and pacing around the joint, we headed off to do some Salsa dancing in The Rocks. Since I couldn't Salsa dance if my life depended on it, I wasn't to keen on the idea, but once I ordered a bottle of champers and started to do the robot and a few backspins, I was good to go. An instructor attempted to teach me the basic steps, but I kept jumping back into electric boogaloo mode. I don't think many of the actual dancers were too impressed, especially when I broke my champagne glass. Saturday was for recovery, and since my dinner plans were cancelled... eh emmm... I decided to chill by myself with some DVDs. Sunday was another big night, gathering up a whole crew at the Golden Sheaf, and managing to attempt several smooches. No more booze until Sonic Youth on Friday! Well, maybe just a champers... 
... Seppo 10:45 am...
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Excuse Me Sir, May I Push in Your Stool? 
Image Via.... Low Culture... Caption via my dirty mind...
... Seppo 5:19 pm...
 Blog Effing Et. Al.
With all the drama in the L.B.C. it's kinda hard bein' Snoop D oh double G, Yo! It seems that my favorite pair of blogging sisters, Charges and Gij, are a bit under the weather. Both seem to be trying to convince themselves that it is all psychosomatic. Could it be reverse Munchausen by Proxy? Poor Charges has to deal with some caboose tampering tomorrow, one of the worst things I have ever experienced (do not clench your teeth, it only makes it worse). Meanwhile, Gij soliliquises her hip hopidness, and her relationship with Mos Def. This stems from the announcement that Mr. Def will be appearing as Howard Rourke in the screen adaptation of The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy. This was by far my favorite book as a young lad. I was so obsessed that the librarian asked me to make a display to promote Douglas Adams' books to the other students. It was my first step away from Judy Bloom, much to the relief of my mother, who had to continually answer questions about menstruation from a 12 year old boy. Are You There God It's Me Margaret is probably the major contributor to my effeminate heterosexuality.  The Thigh Master, has made unsubstantiated claims that this Seppo has been stealing bras and panties from the Hoosier state. Them's fightin' words mate! It is nearly impossible for me to catalogue the panties collected on a daily basis, let alone take the time to nab them... get a grip yo! The Master has also pointed out the frightening similarities between Michael Berryman and Midnight Oil frontman Peter Garrett. What he missed is that while Berryman's role as "Mutant Biker #1" in Weird Science was truly moving, his upcoming role as Cleven in Devil's Rejects: House of 1000 Corpses 2 is truly effing buzzworthy.
...and on a sad and final note, like a thief in the night, Peabs and Coz are off to greener, more drug, pudding pop and coochie filled pastures... and if you listen closely late at night you may be able to hear in the wind... "fizzzzum...."
... Seppo 12:46 pm...
Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Seppo's Bitchin' Baked Paella The first time I made Paella, it was for my going away party in good ol' Minnesota, about four years ago. My dad and I built a fire pit in the ground so we could do it in style, and even got a huge pan to do it up in. It turned out absolutely fantastic, but it led me to thinking... and my thoughts were something like: You know, this here provincial dish would be perfect to make when cooking for a large group of folks, and while it is supposed to be made outside, over a fire with vine leaves and such, I bet I could make it in the oven in a disposable aluminum roasting pan. Since this revelation, I think I have perfected the recipe. It have served at bachelor parties (even the strippers loved it), house parties, engagement parties, and so on, and it is always a hit. Special thanks to Gij, for her patience, as I know she has had a sleepless night waiting for New Recipe Tuesday. Ingredients: 1 Large Disposable Aluminum Roasting Pan 750 Grams Chicken Wings 750 Grams Chicken Thighs 500 Grams Peeled Tiger Prawns (Shrimpage) 500 Grams Chorizo Sausage 300 Grams Basamati rice 2 Red Capsicum (Peppers, Aussie Stizz, yo) 2 Green Capsicum 5 Cloves of Garlic 2 Red chilies 3 Medium Onions 3 Sprigs Fresh Rosemary 1 Bunch Sage 1 Bunch Coriander (Cilantro) 2 Tins of Italian Peeled Roma tomatoes 3 Tablespoons Tomato Paste 2 Tins of Canolli Beans 3 Cups Chicken Stock 1 Kilo Mussels About 7 strands of Saffron Salt and Pepper to Taste Start things off by setting your oven to 200 degrees Celsius. To start things off you need to brown off your sausage and chicken. First slice up your sausage in quarter inch pieces. Add them to a Saute pan and let the pieces brown up a bit, but not so much as to go stiff, you just want to get them started. Remove the sausages and set aside the pan hot, and start browning the chicken. Again, just to seal them up and give them some color, about a minute on each side. Set aside. Juliene (cut in strips) your capsicums and onions. Thinly slice or chop the garlic, remember to stay away from those ooey gooey presses... Seppo does not approve! As you are chopping, just chuck everything in your roasting pan. Add your rice, beans, tomatoes, paste and stock. Give the whole lot a bit of a stir. Add the Sausage and the chicken. Make sure they are somewhat immersed, or they may burn. Stick the whole thing in the oven, and let her cook for about an hour and fifteen. In the meantime, have a glass of wine and chop up your herbs. At this time, pull out your oven shelf and thrown in your seafood (prawns and mussels), and your chopped herbs. Give the whole thing a stir and shove it back in the oven. Check back every 15 minutes or so, to see if the rice is cooked. Once it is, nice and fluffy, but a tiny bit firm to the bite, you are ready to go, and it should look something like this: 
... Seppo 3:19 pm...
Monday, June 07, 2004
Bitchin' Paella  I started off the big thirtieth celebration weekend heading off with Chopper to pick up Ms. B, who had just participated in a spray on tan.  Your Seppo had an appointment as well, but when I was told I would have to wear a disposable g-string and be sprayed down by an attractive young girl, I retracted. There were several fears in my mind (use your imagination) and I thought I would save it for the summer sun. We headed off to pick up my ladies from Melbourne, who were staying for the weekend and headed to pick up the goods for Seppo's Famous Paella (see recipe tomorrow).  Once the wine started flowing, I started cooking... and as per usual, after playing with tunes, chatting and getting a bit tipsy, I didn't get the dinner out until about 11pm. Since Chopper got picked up at 10:30, the poor fella didn't even get any dinner. Some host!
Saturday Night's alright Headed off to Dov in Darlinghurst for Brunch, me with my traditional Croque Madame and side of Sausage and the ladies trying some of the other delectables on Konky's menu. I also thought I deserved a piece of Caramel and Macadamian nut pie for some reason. I was still feeling a bit hazy from the red wine and late night Paella, so I decided to have a bit of a lie down while the girls went shopping. Ms Highco was nice enough to make us Lasagna at her place (with homemade noodles and everything), and from there we all headed off to the Pagewood. Everyone was a bit apprehensive at first, but once my guests started pouring in and the Karaoke got flowin' it turned into a right ol' celebration: 
In a Karaoke Sort of Mood... Mrs. CCF Go Crazy! 
How does a Kiwi bastard snag a hottie? Must be in a Band... 
Ride, Sally Ride... 
Konky and Simply Red 
Me, sweaty, red and liquored up, with my ladies... 
Mrs. CCF, Trace and Ms. Highco hiding in the back... 
Scissor Sisters: Ms. Mary and Dr. Alice 
Piano Man... Ha! Thanks to everyone for making my thirtieth one of the best nights of my life. I can't believe how much of a privilege it is to be able to come to another country, and meet so many wonderful people. Also thanks for all the pressies!
... Seppo 10:22 pm...
Dirty Thirty PII Phew, after about two weeks, all of my thirtieth celebrations are finally over. A total recap of the events of the weekend, complete with visuals, will be available within the next 24 hours. In the wake of celebrations, I started this morning with a bang by brushing my teeth with shaving cream (I use the cream, not the foam, and it comes in a toothpaste like tube). When I made the discovery that the taste in my mouth was not minty, but musky, I actually made that cartoony "Phttt Phttt" noise when spitting it out. The taste is still hovering. _b.jpg) In other news...
For those American's who remember late eighties band Midnight Oil, well known for their hit "Beds are Burning," lead singer Peter Garrett is being groomed for parliament here in Oz. ...and in further proof that Aussies love their bands, Melbourne may be renaming Corporation Lane, AC/DC Lane: Council city services committee chairwoman Kimberly Kitching said the lane was close to Swanson Street where the band filmed its legendary film clip to It's a Long Way to the Top. "They are probably the most successful Australian band ever and they really do have a connection to Melbourne," she said.  For Americans who haven't had the opportunity to see the British atrocity that is "There's Something About Miriam" the show takes reality tv to a "new level" by allowing a bunch of obnoxious pommy lads to believe that a pre-op transexual is actually carrying two X chromosomes. The show is dangerous on so many levels, and while I am usually able to have a laugh about everything, I always take the responsibility of the media very seriously. Ever since my thesis in Journalism on "The Objectification of Women in Teen Publications" I have realized that the media has to take a careful look at what they present, especially to vulnerable audiences. Not only is there the risk of emotional damage to the contestants, which can have HUGE consequences, ie the Jenny Jones incident, it also paints a picture of cross gender individuals as conniving tricksters.
While I am extremely excited that Channel 10 is finally bringing the OC to Oz, their decision to bring Miriam into the Big Brother house is very disappointing. Hopefully, they will not use the tactic of presenting her to the horned up housemates as a woman, hoping for some kind of titillating result.
... Seppo 9:21 am...
Wednesday, June 02, 2004
 There ain't no babes like the Bondi babes, 'cause the Bondi Babes got Seppo, Yo!
While the rest of the world seems to be waking up to the fact that women with curves are much sexier than skeleton like waifs, it seems that the contestants of the Ms. Universe contest HAVE NOT been watching Nigella Bites! For shame ladies, you look sick... please stop by PantyRaider on New Recipe Tuesdays! Alternatively, you could stop over at my place in Bondi for dinner, but my neighbor, who also happens to be THE NEWLY CROWNED MS. UNIVERSE may already be hangin at the crib. If you are willing to experience the humiliation again, you feel free to come over and try my rissotto.  Congratulations to gorgeous, Bondi Beach girl Jennifer Hawkins for being crowned the new Ms. Universe. Jen wore a evening gown with a street directory of Sydney for the "Parade of Nations", (which was very unpopular with local press) and hopefully had my street near the map of Tassie. Considering my recent involvement with tall young blondes, it could be the case.
Go you good thing!!!
... Seppo 4:01 pm...
 Expert Panel, My Ass!!!
How Evian thinks they can get away with naming the hundred most beautiful women in history without consulting me, Uncle G., Justin or Thunder Thighs is beyond me. (if they did consult us, the list may look like the contents of Spanky the Clown's little black book). Hepburn, the star of Roman Holiday and Breakfast at Tiffany's, topped the poll of beauty editors, make-up artists, fashion editors, model agencies and fashion photographers who were asked to choose their top 10 beauties from the list of 100 compiled by the drinks firm Evian. As I am probably the only man in the world who claims to be straight yet knows all the songs in My Fair Lady, and anticipates the newest Audrey Hepburn Calendars each November, I can't really complain about their number one choice. ... However! Other than hitting the nail on the head with my favorite Unicef philanthropist, the "expert panel"'s decisions may be the result of a night out on the piss with Coz and Peabs: 1. Audrey Hepburn 2. Liv Tyler 3. Cate Blanchett 4. Angelina Jolie 5. Grace Kelly 6. Natalie Imbruglia 7. Juliette Binoche 8. Halle Berry 9. Helena Christensen 10. Elle Macpherson 11. Cameron Diaz 12. Princess Diana 13. Kate Moss 14. Charlize Theron 15. Scarlett Johansson 16. Isabella Rossellini 17. Nigella Lawson 18. Beyonce Knowles 19. Madonna 20. Jamelia 21. Nicole Kidman 22. Monica Bellucci 23. Audrey Tatou 24. Vanessa Paradis 25. Julianne Moore 26. Jennifer Lopez 27. Marilyn Monroe 28. Julia Roberts 29. Beyonce Knowles 30. Kylie Minogue 31. Estelle Warren 32. Gisele 33. Gwyneth Paltrow 34. Kate Winslet 35. Katherine Hepburn 36. Marilyn Monroe 37. Kiera Knightley 38. Iman 39. Jerry Hall 40. Heidi Klum 41. Ursula Andress 42. Virginie Ledoyen 43. Sophie Dahl 44. Michelle Pfeiffer 45. Uma Thurman 46. Kim Catrell 47. Jennifer Aniston 48. Eva Herzigova 49. Brigitte Bardot 50. Felicity Kendal 51. Claudia Schiffer 52. Jacqueline Kennedy 53. Marlene Dietrich 54. Milla Jovovitch 55. Lucy Liu 56. Penelope Cruz 57. Neve Campbell 58. Sharon Stone 59. Vivien Leigh 60. Sophie Marceau 61. Linda Evangelista 62. Dido 63. Catherine Zeta Jones 64. Jessica Lange 65. Ingrid Bergman 66. Greta Garbo 67. Jodie Kidd 68. Vanessa Paradis 69. Princess Caroline of Monaco 70. Kathleen Turner 71. Rachel Weisz 72. Naomi Campbell 73. Grace Jones 74. Christie Turlington 75. Famke Jensen 76. Catherine Deneuve 77. Cindy Crawford 78. Heather Graham 79. Judy Garland 80. Ginger Rogers 81. Sophia Loren 82. Yasmin Le Bon 83. Kirsten Dunst 84. Sandra Bullock 85. Melanie Sykes 86. Cleopatra 87. Lisa Snowdon 88. Rita Hayworth 89. Katie Holmes 90. Honor Blackman 91. Joely Richardson 92. Joanna Lumley 93. Andie MacDowell 94. Alicia Silverstone 95. Cat Deeley 96. Rene Russo 97. Sienna Miller 98. Rachel Hunter 99. Jade Jagger 100. Kelly Brook  On first glance the list is definitely a bit time biased. I mean, come on, will anyone remember Jamelia five minutes from now, let alone as one of the most beautiful women EVER. While I agree that Liv is a cutie, and I loved the fact that Bertolucci let us take a peek at her boobs, she hardly stands up to Grace Kelly now, does she. Ok and Dido??? Seriously, lay off the crack. Kylie Minogue, she's not even human after all that surgery! And in the biggest wank off move in the history of, well history... CLEOPATRA???? You've got to be fucking kidding me. How dare they forget Mary Magdeline and Helen of Troy. They are way hotter than Cleopatra, just look at her, she's a dog, obvs!
... Seppo 9:31 am...
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
 Seppo's Beef Bourguignon
When I used to work as a chef, I loved Beef Bourguignon. The smell of cooked wine is so rich, and the beef seemed to actually liquefy in the stew itself. We used to cook up huge batches, and actually eat the stuff cold if need be. It's best with home made beef stock, but their are some half way decent stocks out their these days, and I really can't be bothered to make my own. In the past, I've found a bunch of recipes, but some of them were ridiculously complex (ie, marinate the beef in two bottles of Burgundy over night) or ridiculously crap, such as adding Cambells tomato soup. My recipe is how I have perfected it, and you may want to make your own changes. But, in the end, it comes out extremely yummy, and chicks dig it! Here's the goods. I deal in Kilos and Celsius. Just find a quick converter on line if you're back in the states. 1 Kilo Beef Roast 3 Large Onions 2 Cloves Garlic 250 Grams Mushrooms Three Tablespoons Butter 2 Teaspoons Salt 2 Teaspoons Ground Black Pepper 1 Bayleaf 2 Cups Red Wine (Shiraz/Cabernet or Cabernet sauvignon) 2 Cups Beef Stock 2 Sprigs Rosemary finely chopped(3/4 Tablespoon Dried) 1/2 Bunch of Oregano finely chopped (1 Tablespoon Dried) 2 Tablespoons of Flower Ok, start thinks off by cranking up your oven to 200 degrees Celsius to get things started. Next, chop up one of your onions quite finely (not minced, just not big chunks). I prefer to thinly slice my garlic, but you can chop it if you like. I'm not a big fan of garlic presses (in fact I really can't stand them). Your beef does not need to be to fancy, you're going to cook it for two hours in wine and stock, so it will be tender. Just a standard roast is fine. After trimming off the fat, chop it up into nice one inch pieces. At this point you will begin to saute. Now, in France, they actually start things off with a couple of pieces of bacon. I actually chop up about half of the fat that I have trimmed off the beef and throw it in a saute pan. I am not shy when it comes to using fat, especially that which is attached to the meat I am eating. If you are grossed out by this idea, or want to stick to the mono-saturated fats, use some olive oil in the bottom of the pan. We don't need to get to fancy and sweat the garlic or anything here, considering we're about to chuck the whole thing in the oven, so start things off by throwing in your onion and garlic. Saute for about 6 - 8 minutes, until they are nice and soft. I HATE boiled onions and garlic, you can really taste the difference. Throw in your beef, and saute until slightly browned. At this point you need to switch to your oven vessel. This may sound stupid, but I can't stand to saute things in a pot or casserole, so I just heat one up on the stove, and dump in the saute'd bits. I know we've skipped the deglaze, but we're not done with the pan yet, so don't worry (and do not wash the pan). Add your wine, and you should be sizzling. Add your beef stock. Stir in your tomato paste. Using your fingers, sprinkle over your flower, and then stir it in. Pop a cover on it, and whack it in the oven. Have a glass of your wine and relax for about two hours. Hopefully you've planned this so their is something good on T.V at this time. Once you are back, and hopefully not half in the bag, slice up your remaining onions. I prefer not to use the pearl ones normally in this dish, because I really don't dig them, but to each their own. Put your pan on the stove and heat her up (the one I told you NOT to wash). Add your butter. Once it is melted, add your onions. Saute for about 4 minutes, then add your mushrooms. Saute about 5 minutes. Put aside. Pull the pot or casserole from the oven and place it on a hot burner. Pour the contents of your saute pan into the pot. Add your herbs, and pepper (maybe a little salt) to taste. Simmer 5 minutes, and voila! I usually serve this by putting it in a bowl, and using a pastry bag to squirt mash potatoes in the middle, but you could also serve it with rice or pasta.
... Seppo 2:11 pm...
New Recipe Tuesday! In have been really pissed off in my recent perusal of the web in order to find decent basic recipes. Everything is either way overblown and complicated, or goes to the other extreme and requires canned soup, Velveta or Graham crackers. I spent eight years as a chef back in America, and have been able to use those skills to cook for my bachelor lifestyle. So, plan a stop at the ol' grocery store on Tuesday nights, as I'll be guiding you through, nice and slow, yo, all my favorite recipes!
... Seppo 2:04 pm...
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