Aussie Aussie Aussie! Oi Oi... Right...

So, as of July, I will have been here in good ol' Oz for 4 years. It's hard to believe. Initially, I thought it would be a good opportunity to have a new adventure, but I ended up making unbelievable friends, and discovering a content state that I never thought I could achieve. So, after all this, the Australian Consulate has been kind enough to offer me Australian Citizenship. As American Citizenship is a birthright, I have no danger (so far) of losing my US passport. So, Mom, don't be worried, I can come home, but not to FLORIDA, mind you (tongue in cheek, don't get mad).

Last Thursday, I had my citizenship ceremony and presentation of my certificate, and a very lovely Bottlebrush tree, which I will try to take care of out of respect for the amazing gardening talents of my father. The ceremony was lovely, beginning with singing "Advance Australia Fair" with the accompaniment of the Bondi Children's Orchestra, who also played, in my opinion, a few too many songs led by the obvious savant in the group. Is it racist to point out he was a little Asian fella, or just a cliché that actually exists? Several members of the Bondi comunity got up to speak, which was extremely lovely, in that many were obviously not used to speaking in front of a crowd (I felt for them, as I definitely could use some beta blockers in my public speaking). It made me realize how lucky I am to be living in this wonderful community (as much as I love Peabs, I still am a bit of a softy).

When the certificate issue went forward, I have to say, I was a bit nervous, and therefore, I was the only person out of the group to muck up and do something stupid, like, um... drop my citizenship certificate! Thanks to the lovely Ms. Highco for taking a picture of me picking it up again... I think the mayor had a bit of a laugh! As much as I say it, I would like to thank Ms. Highco and Konky for attending the ceremony, it really meant a lot.

So, in the end of the day, which is an Australianism according to my Seppo mates back home (Menizzy, I think you pointed that out!), I am very proud to be a new Australian, even if I can't figure out the appeal of Vegamite... however, I really dig Bundy Rum!

 Thanks Mates!

Updates to Come

My citzenship ceremony occured last Thursday, and I had a fabulous weekend in Melbourne for A's engagement party. A full update will come once I recieve pictures back for both events!

Liz News

She said I was a super cutie!" gushed pint-sized Brenna Vives, 10, a recipient of one of Phair's offstage squeezes. Via Whatevs.

Mellow out Meadow

Thanks Sarah...

Soup Diet Day 6 and 7

I am now posting in flashback mode, as the weekend is a bit of a blur... Day 6 I was allowed "chicken and beef" so I made me up some grilled chicken breast the night before. I also added a bit of my own spin to the thing by having some "weight watchers cottage cheese" which didn't seem to be cheating too much. My plan was to spend the evening hanging out with my new stereo, but I ended up hanging a bit with Ms. G, and we didn't even get through Top Gun. I also thought that drinking vodka on the rocks as I thought it would comply with the diet. However, someone who has had nothing but soup for a week should not be drinking vodka. I ended up unable to finish Pirates of the Caribbean, I was however 78 Kilos (172 lbs).

Next day I had to go car shopping with Konky, and weighed in at 77.5 Kilos (170 lbs). I think I have shrunk my stomach, as I don't seem to be very hungry any more. The whole diet was not that bad, and I really wouldn't have a problem doing it again (I may have to, to get down to 75 Kilos, yo) ....so far the weight is staying off, and I'm hoping to have a good week at the gym. I am now getting up to have a biscuit... Ha!

Soup Diet Day 5

The anticipation of the "lean steak the size of a pack of playing cards" kept me going through the day today, coupled with the fact that I was going stereo shopping in the evening. Lunch today was, surprise, soup. The wisecracks of a certain Men-izzy were not going to let this Seppo down, I tell you! My tummy was certainly rumbling throughout the electronics stores this evening, where me and Ms. B added to the Sony coffers. For some reason it only took her 20 minutes to pick out her new digital camcorder, but my choice of this funky ass Sony Dream System took nearly 3 hours. We picked up my steak on the way home (much larger than a pack of cards I must say) and a Potato for Ms. B (she's only on day 2, and seems to be struggling, poor thing). We had a bit of a dissaster when Ms. B decided it was a good idea to stick a knife in her baked potato to make it cook faster. When said potato was taken from the oven, our young friend decided to pull out the knife without the aid of a towel. Needless to say, we are dealing with some pretty severe 2nd degree burns. The frozen peas came out to take down the swelling, but even a screening of Ice Age and some left handed buttery good potato did not take away the pain.

Weight - 79 Kgs (174 lbs) - I'm still pretty high on energy, and haven't been too put off by the whole thing (except when a certain tall blonde mentioned every single food item she could think of over the course of the night). The weight seems to be coming off in places other than my belly, however. My arms and shoulders are definately looking more defined, and there is a bit a dimple in my obliques, but I still have back handles and a belly. Two more days to go, thank god (but I get to eat chicken tomorrow, yippeee!)

Soup Diet Day 4

I was chastised today by Mrs. R for having a Boost smoothie for lunch, rather than just skim milk in Bananas. I think after three days of eating nothing but soup, I deserve a bit of a reprieve! I took a long walk today and went to the gym and did chest and triceps. I feel absolutely fantastic; however the smell of any food creates the traditional Pavlovian response.. salivation! My tummy is definitely empty, and the results haven't been spectacular, but I still have three days left. Tomorrow, I am able to have a "lean steak the size of a pack of cards." One benefit is that I have realized that I actually enjoy fruit, which will come in handy after this god forsaken diet is over.

Weight - 179.7 Kilos (175.5 lbs) - Ok, not much on the results side here, I'm really starting to feel like Bridget Jones – am v. hungry...

Soup Diet - Day 3

Yeah... Tomorrow I will get to have a bananna smoothie! Soup is still not totally repulsive, but I think I am starting to talk to imaginary people and such. I was very exhausted today, luckily the kids at the hospital woke me up (we painted masks, which ended up looking kind of frightening).

Weight - 180 Kilos (176.5 lbs) - Haven't lost any more weight, but I didn't go to the gym today, so I didn't sweat all of the soupy goodness out. Word...

Soup Diet Day 2

Day 2 of soup diet is nearly complete. I went to the gym today with Konky and felt great (did back and abs). Tummy is rumbling a bit, but I'm not starving or anything. I haven't started hating the soup yet, so all is good. I volunteer at the hospital tomorrow, so hopefully they won't need the defibrillator.

Results: 80 Kilos (176.5 lbs)

Ms. Crombie is running for president!

That's right, I'm running for President as a write-in candidate. Sure, I'm not old enough to actually qualify. But that's not the point. Protest the unjust Presidential requirements and the flawed two-party system by voting for me in November!

I am seeking to be intern.

Spunky Monkey

He he he... It's true, everyone does need it... Whoops, guys, you might want to take your innocent grandmother off the ad approval team. Via Gawker

On that Note...

Ok, I think I am going to have to pick up this Franz Ferdinand shit, since it appears to be the new truckers hat.

Every Boys Favourite Google Search

Paris was named best celebrity DJ at Dancestar. She commented,

"I am so excited to be presented with my first DanceStar award. I like spinning at house parties and Miami is without a doubt my favorite party town. I am so excited to be part of DanceStar USA this year."

Speaking of Paris, whoops! Via Whatevs.

Soups On, Mofo...

Ok, so I have been really shitty about the fact that I can not seem to get rid of the final 5 kilos or so on my belly. I lost about 15 kilos over the course of the last year, but this last bit just doesn't seem to be coming off. If anything, it's making me a bit slack at the gym, because I'm so frustrated. So, I've decided to be a fad diet victim and give the famous "Soup Diet" a go. Even if it doesn't work, I think it will be quite a kick in the pants to log how I go. I'm sure after day three I will be picking up a nice New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, a T-Bone, and a big block of chocolate, but, you can all witness the fun. Ms. B is also planning to get her soup on as of Wednesday, so I will have an partner in crime. Diet is as follows:

The Kick-Start Soup Diet recipe
(Makes enough for one person for two days.)

INGREDIENTS

• 3 tomatoes
• 2 large cans of crushed tomatoes
• 2 cans of liquid stock (beef, chicken or vegetable)
• 2 cups of water
• 1 packet of vegetable or French onion dry soup powder
• 1 bunch spring onions
• 1 bunch of celery, including leaves
• 2 cups of green beans
• 3 green capsicums
• 1kg carrots
• 2 stock cubes (chicken, beef or vegie)

METHOD

1. Chop all the vegies into small pieces and put them in a big pot with the remaining ingredients.
2. Add salt and pepper (not too much salt).
3. Boil rapidly for two minutes and simmer until it's nice and tender.
4. If you want it thinner, add a bit more water.

Have as much of the soup as you want, whenever you want.

Seven-day eating plan

The quantities recommended are per day.

Avoid toast and cereal for breakfast while on this plan. Stick with the recommended foods for each day.

You should only follow this seven-day eating plan for a maximum of three times in six months.

• DAY 1. SOUP AND FRUIT: Eat any fruit except bananas because they are high in kilojoules. Eat as much as you want. If you don't want soup for breakfast have a fruit salad instead.
• DAY 2. SOUP AND VEGIES, NO FRUIT: Eat as much fresh, raw or lightly steamed vegies as you like. Leafy greens are great but avoid peas, corn and beans as they are high in sugar. Reward yourself at night with a jacket potato, a little butter or better still, some yoghurt.
• DAY 3. SOUP, VEGIES AND FRUIT: Eat all you want but no potatoes.
• DAY 4. SOUP AND BANANA SMOOTHIES: Make a banana smoothie with low-fat or skim milk - it's a great source of potassium. Have a maximum of three large bananas per day.
• DAY 5. SOUP, BEEF AND TOMATOES: Eat a piece of lean beef or a skinless breast of chicken no bigger than a deck of cards with six luscious tomatoes. Vegetarians can substitute tofu. These quantities are per day. You can go easy on the soup today.
• DAY 6. SOUP, BEEF AND VEGIES: Eat plenty of beef (or skinless chicken or fish) and vegies today. Again, vegetarians can substitute tofu. You mightn't need soup as much but your body will tell you. No potatoes.
• DAY 7. SOUP, BROWN RICE, VEGIES AND FRUIT JUICE: You might need more soup today.

Remember: do not eat any bread, fried foods or oil on the seven-day plan.

Drinks

• While on the plan, do not have any soft drinks or alcohol.
• You can drink unsweetened fruit juice or cranberry juice; black, green or herbal tea (you can have skim milk with black tea); coffee; skim milk and plenty of water - six to eight glasses a day.

I have already run into a bit of a snag, as I am having lunch with my boss tomorrow. I really don't want to say, "Oh, I'm not eating, I'm on the soup diet." However, I am allowed vegtables, so hopefully I can have a salad with nothing on it. I really hope I don't pass out at the gym, as it could cause a scene.

 So as of day one, I am 82 kilos (180 lbs) Wish me luck...

Karaoke King

Fantastic weekend with Friday at the Rugby Leagues Club. Good to see Ms. Alice on her return from stateside. Saturday I finally got my haircut, but I had a really crap head massage. Finally got to check out the southern hemisphere's largest mall, Westfield Bondi Junction, but wasn't that impressed. I guess it's just being spoiled growing up so close to The Mall of America. Had a barbecue for Flemmo's departure to China, which was quite nice, and I was able to catch up with some people I haven't seen in ages. Went to The Pagewood Hotel for Karaoke, where your favourite Seppo won the contest and his been invited to the grand finals in May. First prize is a trip to the gold coast. While my rendition of "Mustang Sally" was definately up to par, I think I let down the crowd a bit with Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer"... However, Ms. Highco and I made up for it with our lovely rendition of "Cruisin" Gwenyth, eat your heart out. We also made a very drunken attempt at "Summer Lovin", which didn't seem to go down to well. Konky also shocked the audience with a very melodic "Hotel California"

Naughty Elle!

Elle Macpherson's new lingerie ad has been ruled too offensive for print in Britian. "

A member of the public who contacted the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) complained it suggested the model was masturbating and was therefore "offensive".

I don't understand, Britian is the land of the page 3 model, and such jems as Lad's Mag. The country that is obsessed with Jordan's huge fake boobs, and Lindsay Dawn McKensie, the most famous streaker in the world. (sorry no links, we're all about work safe here at Pantyraider)

The Celibate Life

I realized after posting that horrible picture earlier in the day, that I may be ostersised for the rest of my life. However, Ms. B, who wants it to be know that she is also an integral part of the trivia team, said via text message:

Actually I think that it is cute, that's bad, huh?

The Revolution Starts Now!

Further raids on Kazaa, ordered by several record companies, are going forward here in Australia.

"It is now time for Kazaa to stop using delaying tactics and to face the music," Speck said. "Kazaa is costing the record industry and music creators billions of dollars in lost royalties each year. The industry is committed to the growth of legal online music providers and stopping Kazaa's illegal activities is a necessary step in that process."

Are record companies so stupid that they think peer to peer networking will ever die. Keep the lawyers coming on!

Oh No!!! Paris has fallen in ze pool!!!

Besides Nicole's Chanel belts, what have the Richies been spending their money on?

Some dimwit wants to trademark the slogan "Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi." For anyone who hasn't heard anyone shout this, they usually are the "facepainting" type. The irony, is that the guy thinks he is protecting the "chant" from scary overseas types: "It's an Australian slogan and we just want to keep it for the Australian public, that's it," Mr Davies said. This dickhead should know that the chant originally came from a German drinking song: Ein Prosit, ein Prosit, der gemuetlichkeit, / Ein Prosit, ein Prosit, der gemuetlichkeit, Eins, zwei, drei g'soffe / Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke, hoi, hoi, hoi /Zicke, zacke, zicke, xacke, hoi, hoi, hoi / Prosit! Translated as... A toast, a toast, a toast, to the comforatable ambiance and friendliness / A toast, a toast to the comfortable ambiance and friendliness)/ One, two, three, drink heartily / Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke, hoi, hoi, hoi / Zicke, zacke, zicke, zacke, hoi, hoi, hoi / To your health/cheers) ...it later was used as an English ruby chant: Oggy oggy oggy oi oi oi...

Have You Seen My Weiner?

In aid of the fact that I have been constantly mistaken for Jamie Oliver, and consistently asked to procreate, I have decided to do begin acting and looking likeWarren from There's Something About Mary. Have you seen my baseball?

21 Hump Street

Everyone is in love with the Depster... He seems to have an "effect on Kimya's cold, bitter loins" and Sarah (who is damn fine lookin herself) seems to be going a bit nutso over Mr. Siscorhands, "Why must you taunt and tease all of us women who are not married to you (and who do not have your babies) with your total and utter hotness?"

Random Crap

I am now sitting at home without the ADSL connection, that is actually connected, but me... without a modem, have to deal with my little, sad dialup... No trivia tonight as there was no interest, Ms. Mary... I find it disappointing, Zorba, you are "sick" so you have an excuse, but Flems... wear are you? Oh, you are in China soon so it doesn't matter. Konky in the country and... I'm so alone, had to actually watch "Pop Idol Live" (ps... dudes, you think it would a good idea to get yourself a web page that one can link to... when your ratings = nil, this is why, morons) this evening. Oh... Dear lord... the formula came from somewhere, but... where?  (see how nice the links work, that equals us newfangled people on the web visit your MF site

I'm trying to figure out how anyone signed Pavement in the first place. I mean, if you didn't listen to Stephen over and over again, wouldn't you just find this shit a bunch of messed up crap? But now, years later, it defines me... because, who wouldn't spit on a stranger when they were in love? (however much hearing it bluegrass style makes it even more special).

I remember the first time I was turned on to Pavement. I was hanging out with this girl from my advertising classes, who was a track star, and had the biggest boobs I had ever seen. One night we went to see the Gear Daddies (first time you guys have seen a lot of love), and we both got a bit drunk, so we went to her place... needless to say, something should have happened. But... Seppo at 20 was as useless as a bag of monkeys, so... she started snoring, and I went home. Next day, I realized her wallet was in my pocket, so I had to go to the burger joint she was working at to return it. Since that day, I haven't heard from her, but, from sources, I have ascertained she is married. Michelle Capistrant???? Are you out there? Anyone who can find her wins.. ummm... my love and devotion.

I have David Letterman on in the backround and find his assistant Stephanie Burkett the cutest girl in the world... anyone who can tell me more about her, it would be much appreciated Whatevs?????

So.. The Jamie Oliver thing is getting out of hand... a few days ago, me and the Evil Eskimo went out for lunch and... there was lots of Japanese sniggers behind the sushi bar... my words were: "I would like the takeaway large Sushimi" and in return, I had a huge amount of giggles... so my response was, "What are you two giggling about," and the translation was, "he he he... you are funny, on Oliver's Twist" - my response... "I will no longer eat your raw fish!" Ok... really, I said, "Yes, I know, but I am American, and no one really cares that I look like a celebrity chef there..." ...and the response was... "yoi do joe no, "Oliver's Twist" jo no? So, Jamie has set up his own blog now... no more pictures on the street, Asian tourists take note!